This morning I had it happen again. I was actually all in my emotions of fear and I really didn’t know what to think, or how to react. Everyone who knows me, knows that I suffer from really bad nightmares and I find myself completely obsessed with finding meaning to everything. Last night I actually was caught up writing a paper, I was groggy and I fell into this really deep sleep. I dreamt of a field full of blackberries, and I was walking alongside my best friend. I remember feeling this eerie feeling, it was foggy and cold, and I remember telling my best friend that it was a bad idea to come here. He smiled his smile, and convinced me to walk along this dirt road, leading to more berries. I trusted him and continued to walk further. It started pouring, rain everywhere, sneakers consumed with mud from the road, I was tasting the coconut product dripping from my hair, down my face, and my best friend disappeared. In anguish I screamed his name, running along this dirt road trying to find a means to an end, screaming his name and there it was. This crow sitting on top of this boulder like rock, slammed in the middle of my dirt road. I was horrified, I didn’t know what this creepy bird was doing there, it made me feel uncomfortable and uncertain of my safety.
I wake up, its about 5am, the dream woke me up uneasy. I was super groggy seeing as how I went to bed at 3. My initial reaction was to look outside. My house is actually located in front of these auto shops, and they have low rooftops that you can see from looking outside my window. It was freezing this morning, it was crazy but there it was, this crow. It was way bigger than a pigeon and as black as obsolete darkness. I was so scared, and I started writing this post. I just didn’t know what it could possibly mean, I was shook, just the way it was facing my house freaked me out. When I went to look out of my window again, it was gone. But it was a crow! The only other time I ever saw a crow; I was hand in hand with who I thought was my soul mate walking out of the mall out in Staten Island. Next to his car was this huge crow, sitting on top of the roof of the car parked next to us, who seemed to consume me with its stare as I walked towards the car. I felt this bone chilling, Halloween mood take over and my immediate reaction was running to the car. I was scared to run because I thought I would scare it, but I ran anyways, got in the car and it was staring at me.
This was now the second time I saw a crow, looking at me. Not just any look but this bone chilling, life stops look. It created this distant cold feeling, like the world was perfectly still except me and these black eyes. But today, I needed to do some research. One of my really close friends and advisor actually showed me a poem, about crows and what seeing a number of crows mean. “One for sorrow, two for mirth…” and I am currently up to two.
One meant sorrow, when I saw my first crow, I was hand in hand with what I believed was my first love, but at that point it was almost apparent my relationship was over. The first crow symbolizes sorrow, an unhappy event, a turn for the worst and a loss maybe death. A part of me died when that relationship ended. I felt as if my life was an avalanche, it collected the cold snowy mass and out of nowhere it was released into the world off the mountain tops almost suddenly destroying everything in its path, that was my relationship. Gone and shattered into the abys. The second crow, a surprise, a change for the better, sometimes the finding of something. I truly hope that what’s to come truly does bless me with positive fruition. Never to judge a book based of its cover, or define everything by looking at the surface because there is so much more than that. Graduation is around the corner, a new beginning. Although I still see myself in a transition phase, writing has truly helped me explore my joys and self love. Crows are ultimately a sign of change, and providing clear messages as well as guidance to your next steps. It’s a symbol to pay attention to your thoughts and to the omens around you. Seeing a crow just means that the messages being sent to you are clearer than they have ever been. The crow is a messenger also sending a personal warning to step back, put things in perspective and being clear of your desires to manifest personal goals. When a crow enters your dreams and is watching you, it is a good omen of positive changes to come in your life, but it can ultimately be a warning that continuing your current path may result as a warning sign too. I hope everything coming is amazing!
Ancient Greeks experienced the crow when it was white. The white crow gave Apollo (the God of Prophecy) bad news and Apollo turned it black to mark it as displeasure. From then onwards, the crow kept secrets to herself in effort to protect her blood and her knowledge. The crow is all abut individuality, being bold, humble and embarking in mystery and the unknown expecting whatever outcome. Graduation, career, love, and fruition, I am coming to get you!