Surfaced Emotion (Personal Rant)

Welcome to my first ever personal rant on my blog, but I just had to speak and writing brings me tranquility. My first question… When has focusing on your own progression and your own happiness ever a problem? I just don’t get it. Just a small disclosure, this may get malignant sooner than expected, but honestly, when has focusing on your progression become a problem? Now I begin my personal rant, sorry but this just really upset me.

So yesterday I went to dinner, and I sat down and basically got told all stuff (I have no other words for this). While listening to all this, my first reaction was honestly thanking God that I have grown up. People’s opinions no longer sway me, or play the role that it used to. I have learned to embrace and love both where I am strong, and what I still have yet to fix. But the things I got told just made me open my eyes to just how much I have grown, and to what magnitude.

First off, I grew up with a single mother who made coins at the end of the week basically. Like my mom literally went to work Monday to Friday from 8am up until 6pm and came home, took the little bit she earned and made it work. She got help from my father, but by help I mean enough to pay the rent that we had to pay in the little room we rented in someone’s apartment and that was about it. If my mom ended up with more than two dollars in her pocket for the week, that was a miracle. If there is anything I learned from all this was being humble, and not letting your worth be defined by what you had, but more so your intelligence and your struggle, and just how much you would do to achieve better than what you had. I am ambitious, and that is where it stems from. My struggle, my mom’s struggle, our struggle.

Last night I was told that I think that I am better than everyone else, and that I feel I am higher in status. That I live in a world where everything is about me. That I am investing so much time in planning my life, and making sure that I find myself stable that I will never embrace love, or the soon to be man I will spend the rest of my life with because he will not fit in my perfectly planned life I have set out to live. That I will end up alone, because all I worry about is myself.

Okay I have a few things to say to that, I have never thought I was better than anyone else. I have lived my life, and fought my struggles, and what I have I have fought for, or earned in spite of my hardships. There were days where I went to school wearing the same uniform for two days in a row because my mom could only afford a certain number of uniforms. I only saw new sneakers when my mom received her income tax back when I was in grade school. I work long shifts in order to afford my own things, and get me through college when I no longer got financial aid. I have worked and struggled in my college career. So am I not supposed to be proud that I graduated with the bachelor’s degree I struggled so hard to attain? Am I not supposed to be proud that I went sleepless nights for six years to accomplish this goal? This does not make me better than anyone else, however this marks one of my many accomplishments to come that I worked extremely hard for. This world is not about me, nor am I fully centered on myself. I have people which I love, and express my love to everyday, because they are reasons why I have accomplished all the things that I have. Their love and motivation do not go unnoticed.  So what if I choose to not have a significant other at the moment, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t out there for me just waiting for the perfect moment.

I am happy with who I am, with what I have accomplished, and what I have at the moment. Ignorance is bliss, and the fact that a significant other is the major key of happiness is ignorance. Love who you are first. The moment you embrace yourself, love yourself and surround yourself with positive vibes you open the doors to all the opportunities set in store for you.


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