I am a mental hoarder. I’ll admit it, I keep bank records of mental notes, scribble all over notebooks ideas and crap, and the most challenging and the ones that keep me up all night, I stamp time sensitive and revisit. If it resulted in feeling and fearing, I will come back to it when I am mentally ready to take on another round of it. Umm.. it’s like chemotherapy. At first its foreign, an invader of the most aggressive form, eventually you choose to try to over power it and consume it, but you loose yourself in the process. But in time… you face it, grow some type of immunity and wall to what’s happening and then get hopefully and try to kick this in the ass because you need to overcome and survive it. To refrain from giving further metaphorical analysis, I will just express rather than give frosting.
I have revisited Grey’s Anatomy. That show is another challenge in itself. I have addictively engulfed a month of my soul and got myself through ten seasons and yes… new perspective. I used to watch the show and watch it for the sake of knowing ‘Grey.’ No fudge given about Grey now! Honestly, I watched it to relieve my nerves about surgery because I had to get surgery recently on my right foot, and honestly it was one of the most challenging times for me. I always thought I felt helpless at times, but this was the actual feel. But this show has hit me where it hurts, chewed me up, made me happy, I don’t even know.
My immediate feel…The thought that being a surgeon is being an artist. Absurd, but very true. Surgery is one of the most beautiful works of art I have ever seen. Your paintbrush a scalpel, a ten-blade. You’re restoring and creating a works of art. The love for this art, how it is performed, saving someone, making them have opportunity is amazing. The thoughts of sacrifice, having improvement depend on this person to restore hope, change. Re-stating once again this isn’t about Grey, it is about artistically living life. Life, there is beauty in this struggle. Innovation, and then there is love.
Love, the foundation that makes you, breaks you? I hate to be a sappy hopeless romantic but I am. I cannot help it, but love, the earthquake love. You move planets, create and cultivate of it, I have yet to encounter this. It’s moved me to tears, question elements, try to move mountains when watching it second hand, but actually feel it, never. There will always be one episode that will transform me. Preston Burke, ‘Cardiothoracic God,’ Harper Avery Award winner. My favorite Grey’s Anatomy character to date. Basically perfection, perfect dose of arrogance, prestige, beauty, intelligence, passion, my myriad of traits can go on, but he moves me. Like earthquake move me. That scene, where he offers Christina Yang his hospital, God only knows it puts me at the edge of my seat. That earthquake love, because although the complications were immense, the way he loved her, struggled for her, sacrificed for her, that was… interesting to say the least. Walking away? How does on survive that? Even the most beautiful work of art has a story. His job is literally to mend broken hearts, but his is basically broken.
That scene, DID YOU SEEE THAT?! I am SHOOK! I get chills, I get major chills. Loving the impossible, but cultivating more beauty when revisiting the product. Hope in the so called impossible, what you perceive as impossible but brilliance. When the love for the art you dedicate your life is profusely fierce, do you make the sacrifice or will they sacrifice for you? I will learn that one when it comes and hope to make the best decision, because so it seems that technically no matter what decision you make you are technically sacrificing. Experiences make you, so you learn from experiences. Making mistakes, it is okay to practice perfection but perfection has flaws, owning up to the flaws, learning from them, creating more perfection. I REMAIN SHOOK. Like seriously, if you didn’t do so on the top, YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS SCENE! Learning through experience, free falling, now that is life. Facing your fears, but living your dreams. Be you! Knowing when enough is enough, feeling, living but remembering to feel.